As I sit here and type this, I've only just recovered from a ruptured ovarian cyst. I put off blogging for quite some time as I was struggling with writing meaningful content for my readers. Most of what I've written so far seems so shallow and while they're relevant to me, who would ever be interested?

 Anyhow, today is something a little different. I had to speak of it somewhere, and I thought my experience and knowledge in the matter might help someone out there who is going through the same thing I am. This is going to be a very long and personal post so might as well make yourself comfortable. Brew a cup of relaxing tea and settle in. I wouldn't recommend snacks though. What I'm about to divulge in the ensuing paragraphs is going to be quite graphic. You've been forewarned!

 A return to my usual look after the previous outfit post. I certainly feel much more like myself in this. Anyway, we've begun the first of March and it seems like spring is already here. As soon as I walk into the streets, I see pink blossoms staring straight back at me. The new spring leaves have protruded from their buds - well nourished from this winter's abundance of rain. There is a spring in my step and a certain lightening of moods. And I can sense its presence affecting everyone around. More laughter and glee. Brighter countenances and happier voices. We emerge from the darkness on fleeted foot as if we were a baby deer bounding into the meadows, basking in the warmth of sunlight. And before we know it, the searing heat of summer will come and blast these pleasant feelings into oblivion (can you tell I really like summer?).

 I wore this outfit recently to the flea market. Silly me. It was an unexpectedly sunny day and this outfit was much too warm. To say that I was just a tad sweaty would be an understatement. However, I wasn't going to let that get me down. As long as no one could see how tormented I felt inside, nothing else mattered. Luckily, I thought to bring a hat to cover up my scalp. My scalp has gotten sunburned once before and let me tell you, it was not pleasant. I've taken every precaution since to never let it happen again. Anyway, I forgot how delightful it was to leisurely stroll through each of the hundreds of stalls, perusing antiques and hidden treasures. John snagged a really nice knife. The wood handle was clean and the blade still sharp. The owner himself wasn't even sure the knife was his and ran off in search of his friend in case it belonged to him instead. I thought it was quite amusing. He returned and sold it to John for a mere $5. For a knife in such pristine condition, I had to wonder if he was in his right mind. But a deal is a deal and what a steal!

 I got myself two silk/satin scarves for just $2 each. I probably would have bought a whole box of them if I had remembered to bring cash (but realistically, I wouldn't know what to do with that many scarves anyway). Who forgets to bring cash to a flea market? Obviously, there were ATM machines around but I didn't want to have to go through the trouble to using one. And besides, it always chargesa X amount of money that I'm not willing to part with. Call me stingy but I'd rather not, thank you! Still, I had a great time simply just looking. I'm anticipating multiple trips to various flea markets this year. I'm not too sure what happened but it's been nearly a couple of years since I went to my last flea market. I used to go rather often - several times a year actually. In the future, I must remember to always eat a big full breakfast (we hadn't eaten breakfast or lunch so I was pretty much a hangry grump after a while) and lots of cash. And maybe one of those wheel-y carts cause I'll be buying loads of stuff with all the cash that I remembered to bring. (Yes, cash is very important!)

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What I wore:

Top (bodysuit): F21

Skirt: vintage

Oxfords: Miz Mooz

Hat: F21

Watch: Oasis

Photos: John & me

 It's strange to see this particular area - or much of my city in fact - covered in lush green meadows. A summer ago, I would never have considered climbing over train tracks and dirt paths to take photos in this very spot. This green meadow you see here is normally very dry with cracked parched earth and hardly any sign of green. The only plants you manage to see have the water and life sucked out of them from the numerous years of drought that this region has suffered. And the ones that still manage to retain their vibrant green have been knowingly and continuously watered. I'm so grateful for the last few weeks of on and off rain. I believe it was finally enough to fill the lakes and reservoirs up north, which had been almost depleted this past summer. The mountains have been blessed with snow and have remained white in all this time. And as soon as the weather warms up again, the snow will melt and trickle down even more water for our thirsty state. I hope we continue on in this fashion for a little while longer. I really do like this sort of gloomy, cloudy weather. Cloudy days really do make for the best photoshoots, IMO!

 In a desperate attempt to bring more moisture into the dry winter air, I bought a few indoor plants - particularly English ivy, pothos, and aloe vera - this past weekend at a local orchard. My skin and scalp gets so dry during this time of the year. Turning on the heater doesn't help either. I have to immediately slather copious amounts of lotion after showering or my skin gets super dry/flaky/itchy. I thought cowashing would be moisturizing enough for my scalp but apparently it's not. So, I have recently resorted to oiling my scalp with an olive/castor oil blend the night before I wash just to get relief from the dryness. I did try spreading a couple of drops after while my scalp/hair were still damp but that made my hair kind of greasy looking so I stopped doing that.

 ...to be jolly! Christmas is just days away and I feel like I'm walking in a daze of dazzling ornaments, twinkling lights and glittering tinsels. Everywhere I go, I am bombarded by displays of decked out Christmas trees and holiday streamers, brilliant and colorful under bright white lights. Every corner is a scene in itself. Scents of cinnamon and sugar and rich, sweet chocolate waft under my nose, and just a little longer, I might find myself inside a candy shop with bags full of sweets. And the nostalgic sound of classic Christmas music echo from a distance, recalling tender memories of our precious childhood. All this to say, I'm not ready for Christmas yet! I haven't wrapped any of my presents yet. I still need to sew on the eyes and nose of my fox scarves. I'm determined to knit until my hands can no longer move, stiff and clawlike. Who knows, you may find me resembling a zombie on Christmas day. Though I hope not. I want my face to be bright and cheerful, eyes sparkling with anticipation and excitement - just like those faces you see on TV.

Even as a child, I was always interested in astronomy. How my eyes would light up should they witness a shooting star streak across the dark night sky. Ephemeral and radiant. The thing that always gets me is that our galaxy is just one of billions in the vast universe. How many other habitable planets must there be? How many other lifeforms? How insignificant everything seems then. My life seems to matter little in the grand scheme of the universe. I'm just this tiny little human being living on a planet in one galaxy. And to think that our living sun is just one of billions in the Milky Way. Now times that by all the other galaxies out there and just how many stars are there out there? Way too many to count.

  I apologize in advance for the brevity of this past as I've got to catch up on all the fox scarves I promised friends and family I'd knit and give away as presents this Christmas. As it is, I'm super behind and have finished only a few. Anyway, a little bit about this vintage cardigan: I discovered this lovely gem some time ago before I banned myself from thrift shopping (I go way too often). My eyes were drawn to the color and pattern like moths to the glow of light. I don't think I can find anything else like this and that's what makes it so special.

 They say there are two types of people: those who live to eat and those who eat to live. Clearly, I am the former. With the holiday season putting me in a very festive mood, I find it all too easy to overindulge this time of the year. I'll reach for that extra helping of mac n cheese or slice of pizza, that extra piece of decadent truffle chocolate or delicious Hokkaido cheese tart. And with all that eating, I've come to rely on A-line dresses like this festive red/navy plaid number (worn last year here) to hide my food baby. 

Indeed, a silly fool I was. I was excited to do this shoot because it was finally cool enough to wear this mustard beret I knitted last week. I had left my home and scampered off into the park without bothering to check one very important thing: my camera battery. I happily set up the tripod, managed some test shots, and watched a couple of squirrels play in the trees. All was ready. I ran on over to my spot and posed a few times while the self-timer went off. Ran back to check the photos. "Not bad," I said to myself as I deleted all the fails. As soon as I returned from a second round of photos, I saw that awful blinking warning on the display that tells you the battery is low and can't take anymore pictures! So, these were all that I managed to take. It really was unfortunate because I was quite eager to practice different angles as I don't always want to depend on someone else to do it. So, let this be a lesson for us all. Don't forget to charge your battery and always check before you leave!

 Many things didn't work out this weekend. I was to wear this outfit to a nice dinner in honor of our 8 years together, but I didn't expect to get so violently ill. I had woken up early and ran off into the park to snap these photos all by myself. John was still asleep. I wanted to surprise him by getting all dolled up in this sweet dress and lovely coat, which I completely abandoned right after this shoot because the weather was exceedingly hot. So, dinner didn't happen. We were also supposed to get brunch on Sunday with our friends but had to cancel that too. Sad days.

 It's been a rather stressful week to put it lightly. Things didn't work out the way I had hoped. I moped around for some time but eventually roused myself from the lethargic lull following a certain momentous event. I needed to get mind off things and this post was not going write itself. As famously quoted in Moulin Rouge (one of my favorite movies of all time), 

 And so we come to this at last. The Velvet Panoply. I felt this name perfectly reflected the reason why I dress the way I do. I grew up with friends who weren't as interested in clothes/appearance as I was and often felt overdressed when we went anywhere. I was very self conscious of this but did not let it bother me because I felt comfortable and safe in the dress or blouse/skirt I wore. I felt like me. I love to wear soft, pretty, feminine things. This is who I am. I don't wear these things to garner attention. Attention is the last thing I want but because I differ from others around me, I obviously do stick out like a sore thumb at times. But I am happiest and brightest when I dress for myself. Just like a gleaming armor is part of a knight, my clothes are an extention of me. I feel good and condident.  I feel powerful in my own way. Do I need them to feel like this? No. And I honestly think as a matter of self expression, it is key to do what makes one happy. If I am seen as vain or conceited because I'd rather slip on my pretty clothes, then so be it. It surely will not be the death of me.

Despite the ill fit, I liked the dress so much that I didn't want to return it. I don't know if it's just me but a lot of dresses that I consider "tea party" appropriate tend to have these nice delicate ruffle trims like this. Maybe it's the delicate nature of such tea parties in general. From the beautiful porcelain teapots and cups to the dainty sandwiches that are too pretty to eat. And the lovely, sweet pastries one eats. I don't think I'd feel right if I didn't wear something as equally elegant and endearing.

In terms of alterations, I've given myself two options: fix it or shrink it. As I'm only really capable of hemming, I always try to shrink it first.What I've come to depend on a lot of the times is the shrinkage that happens when I throw my clothes into the washer and dryer. Because I just toss everything into the machines (yes, even delicates!), I actually discovered by accident that rayon materials will shrink no matter what. If you haven't noticed, a lot of clothes these days are constructed from rayon. Viscose will shrink somewhat or quite a bit for me depending on the quality.  So, I tossed this dress into my pile of laundry, hoping it would shrink and it did! And now it fits perfectly as you can see in this post.







What I wore:
Dress: ASOS
Heels: vintage from Etsy
Bag: ASOS

 I went with an entirely different look with this outfit. It just screams 90s to me. But my eyes could be defective. You can be the judge of that. While I don't think I can pull off the iconic chokers and brown/mauve lipstick and still look like myself, I feel like one of those women in the old karaoke vinyl records my parents used to play when I was smaller. I find myself cringing at the thought of it.  The videos themselves were incredibly cheesy but they sure do bring back lots of fond memories. Not sure if anyone will understand but if you do, more power to you!

 Some days we find ourselves chasing after the last rays of sunlight with our hearts beating rapidly against our chests, wondering if we'll make it in time. And when we do, it's simply the best feeling. But we can't relax for long. Eyes scout out all the possible locations and lips paint the scenes. Sometimes it always doesn't work out and we just shoot continuously, hoping the bullet will hit dead center. Time is so precious during these moments, but I love it.