As I sit here and type this, I've only just recovered from a ruptured ovarian cyst. I put off blogging for quite some time as I was struggling with writing meaningful content for my readers. Most of what I've written so far seems so shallow and while they're relevant to me, who would ever be interested?

 Anyhow, today is something a little different. I had to speak of it somewhere, and I thought my experience and knowledge in the matter might help someone out there who is going through the same thing I am. This is going to be a very long and personal post so might as well make yourself comfortable. Brew a cup of relaxing tea and settle in. I wouldn't recommend snacks though. What I'm about to divulge in the ensuing paragraphs is going to be quite graphic. You've been forewarned!

 Spring is long gone now and can't help but feel a little pang in my heart when I look back on these photos with a sense of nostalgia. We were on our way to lunch and passed by this beautiful area. It was secluded and not a soul was in sight. It was so picturesque like a still from a painting come alive. It was like we were in a separate space. A different plane of existence far removed from modern society with its complex housing and paved roads right next to it. And as we slowly walked along the shaded dirt path, the soft, alluring aroma of jasmine blossoms wafted under our noses. We were filled with wonderment. We couldn't keep the smiles off our faces. How could we resist photographing in this lovely setting with its magical, glittering backdrop and dappled sunlight filtering through.

You may be seeing this dress for the first time here on this blog, but I've owned it for many years now. You will come to understand that this is the case with a lot of the outfits I post on this blog. It was during H&M's spring end-of-season sale and I snatched it up for only $10! I was a huge bargain shopper back in the day when my college life ruled my wallet. I am still am now, but to a lesser extent. I've built my wardrobe from the ground up and it's full of the clothes I love. I cycle through my old clothes and wear the same exact outfits again and again - only I don't photograph them all the time. As to acquiring new clothes, I don't go out and buy much nowadays.

 We had happily sauntered off to the mall on Easter Sunday for this matcha soft serve ice cream I was craving. It's only served there and I had to have it. I was going to kill someone if I didn't get it. Yea, blame mother nature dropping her beloved gift every month. Like fools, we didn't realize most shops would be closed. We were astonished that the mall itself was open at all. We wandered (moped) around for a while until we came across this paper art installation.

 At the time these pictures were taken, my self confidence was soaring. I felt strong and self-assured - unshakable even. I'm happy to say that these moments are becoming more frequent. It's exhilarating. Anxiety laden days still hit me like rock when it comes. I've no prediction over this. I really wish I did. It's not debilitating, but it's enough to bother me. I'm just thankful that they don't occur as often as they used to, and that puts my mind at ease. It's very liberating. I feel this weight has been lifted off my chest and I can finally breathe. I can laugh freely. I can breathe in this fresh, spring air and truly appreciate it. I try to remember days like these. Gilded memories in the evanescent flow of time.

 As I face away from you, gazing at the delicate blossoms eagerly bursting forth in a spectacular array of lilac pink, you start to wonder what sort of secret I'm about to tell you. I've mentioned it a couple of times before, but I'm quite sure that by now you've forgotten. You've never once seen me with it. Are you ready? Let's begin the count down.

 Only one post this week. Certain things have taken priority in my life at the moment and unfortunately, blogging isn't one of them. I'm even considering taking a break for a month or two until things have sorted out. I know I'm being rather elusive but I don't wish to discuss them openly. On another note, I've been making a lot of lentil soup lately. Always been a fan of it. I used to order some at most Mediterranean restaurants but they tend to overload on the sodium. Since I normally don't consume a lot of sodium on a daily basis, it's too salty for my tastes.

 Now, this corduroy vest has been sitting in my closet for the longest time (years). I loved the way it looked and felt but I couldn't figure out how to wear it. And I just couldn't bear to throw it out. I tried it with a bunch of different dresses/skirts but I ended up looking so frumpy that I immediately took it off and cast away deep in the recesses of my closet to be forgotten. It was a bit loose so that didn't help either. I recently started watching The X-files again and -boom!- inspiration. Scully wore a similar colored vest during her nephew's birthday party. I thought I'd try it with some jeans but that didn't turn out quite right either. Finally, I just threw this together hoping and praying that it would look decent and I must say, it's not too bad - rather interesting. Anyhow, I'm going to make this vest work one way or another!

 A return to my usual look after the previous outfit post. I certainly feel much more like myself in this. Anyway, we've begun the first of March and it seems like spring is already here. As soon as I walk into the streets, I see pink blossoms staring straight back at me. The new spring leaves have protruded from their buds - well nourished from this winter's abundance of rain. There is a spring in my step and a certain lightening of moods. And I can sense its presence affecting everyone around. More laughter and glee. Brighter countenances and happier voices. We emerge from the darkness on fleeted foot as if we were a baby deer bounding into the meadows, basking in the warmth of sunlight. And before we know it, the searing heat of summer will come and blast these pleasant feelings into oblivion (can you tell I really like summer?).

Now this is not my usual style that you typically see posted on the blog, which isn't an entirely a bad thing. I do like to experiment with different looks, which often depends on how I'm feeling that day. It's apparent that my style has evolved somewhat. Especially since my bangs and hair have grown out quite a bit. While I'm enjoying the long hair, I'm not really digging the whole fringeless look. I don't believe it suits me or my style at the moment. It doesn't feel like me. I've stuck with it for many months now and I feel it's about time to chop them off.

 If you had asked me this when I was still in elementary school, I would have blushed a bright tomato red. I was so self conscious of the moles on my face. They were the bane of my childhood. I was often teased and told that my face would be covered with them when I grew up. There is a saying in my culture, "When a fly lands on you, a mole will appear." As a kid, I thought I was terribly unlucky to be the only one to have all these horrible flies landing on my face and leaving unwanted gifts.  Unfortunately, I grew up learning that a girl is supposed to have a flawless, spotless (acne included) face and felt like I was the only one who had these "beauty marks". I would often get told that it was such a pity - that I would be pretty if it wasn't for those gosh darn moles. A plastic surgeon's assistant even insisted I come in for a consultation to remove them! Huh, imagine that for a girl's developing self esteem.

 I wore this outfit recently to the flea market. Silly me. It was an unexpectedly sunny day and this outfit was much too warm. To say that I was just a tad sweaty would be an understatement. However, I wasn't going to let that get me down. As long as no one could see how tormented I felt inside, nothing else mattered. Luckily, I thought to bring a hat to cover up my scalp. My scalp has gotten sunburned once before and let me tell you, it was not pleasant. I've taken every precaution since to never let it happen again. Anyway, I forgot how delightful it was to leisurely stroll through each of the hundreds of stalls, perusing antiques and hidden treasures. John snagged a really nice knife. The wood handle was clean and the blade still sharp. The owner himself wasn't even sure the knife was his and ran off in search of his friend in case it belonged to him instead. I thought it was quite amusing. He returned and sold it to John for a mere $5. For a knife in such pristine condition, I had to wonder if he was in his right mind. But a deal is a deal and what a steal!

 I got myself two silk/satin scarves for just $2 each. I probably would have bought a whole box of them if I had remembered to bring cash (but realistically, I wouldn't know what to do with that many scarves anyway). Who forgets to bring cash to a flea market? Obviously, there were ATM machines around but I didn't want to have to go through the trouble to using one. And besides, it always chargesa X amount of money that I'm not willing to part with. Call me stingy but I'd rather not, thank you! Still, I had a great time simply just looking. I'm anticipating multiple trips to various flea markets this year. I'm not too sure what happened but it's been nearly a couple of years since I went to my last flea market. I used to go rather often - several times a year actually. In the future, I must remember to always eat a big full breakfast (we hadn't eaten breakfast or lunch so I was pretty much a hangry grump after a while) and lots of cash. And maybe one of those wheel-y carts cause I'll be buying loads of stuff with all the cash that I remembered to bring. (Yes, cash is very important!)

***

What I wore:

Top (bodysuit): F21

Skirt: vintage

Oxfords: Miz Mooz

Hat: F21

Watch: Oasis

Photos: John & me

 While I haven't been blessed with a voluptuous body like the Greek/Roman goddesses, I certainly felt like one in this dress. I'm not one to go for cold-shoulder type dresses but I thought the flutter sleeves added such a romantic, feminine flair to an otherwise typical, sleeveless dress. I would not have noticed it otherwise and walked right past it. I would've regretted it so much. Look how beautifully it flows in the wind. Beautiful and dreamy. A deep red rose to alight the fire in his heart. And kiss me he did! Warm, hot lips melting the chill in my bones. 

 If I've got to describe my style, I wouldn't be able to put a finger on it, but it's definitely influenced by British fashion with Alexa Chung being one of my biggest style icons. The cool LA city chic and 90s grunge fashion doesn't quite click with me the way British/European fashion does. I'm drawn to the casual chic, which looks classy and put together. Can be dressed up or dressed down while still retaining that touch of class I adore. While I consider this particular outfit casual chic, compared to the people around me, I'm definitely overdressed. And sometimes it sucks because I hate to be the one constantly overdressed all the time. You'd think I'd be used to it by now. I mean, I've dressed this way for how many years now? And I'm still trapped in that limbo of worrying whether I stand out too much and battling it in my head and wondering what others must be thinking about this silly girl all dolled up. Some days, I don't care and some days, I get those stares that just obliterate my confidence. It's really not supposed to matter what others think but when the anxiety gets you, you just can't help it! But on this day, I didn't care and I was a happy girl because I got to wear this super cute blouse with embroidered kitties playing all over it.

 This cheerful, mustard cardigan has been with me for as long as I can remember. It's definitely seen its fair share of sunlight. You can't really see it, but it's piling and getting that all-too-familiar fuzziness indicative of wear (I really hate that!). One of my life goals at the moment is to knit a similar cardigan for myself to replace it. Still, I'll keep it in my closet for years to come. It's just so comforting to me. It's like a ray of sunshine blasting away those dreary days and instantly lifting my mood. I recall eyeing it on the Urban Outfitters website for months, but never could justify paying full price for it. I'd close the window and force myself to forget about it for a while. Every so often, I'd come back and check just to see if it'd ever go on sale. And eventually it did and in my cart it went! It's meant to be an oversize fit, which you can see here that it's quite loose. One of my favorite ways to wear it is over a simple T-shirt and jeans for those lazy rainy days where you just want to curl up in the corner of a chair with a novel in hand and a hot cup of tea steeping nearby. But of course, I'm sure no one is interested in seeing that so I threw it on over this dress for some adventure time in the park!

 It's strange to see this particular area - or much of my city in fact - covered in lush green meadows. A summer ago, I would never have considered climbing over train tracks and dirt paths to take photos in this very spot. This green meadow you see here is normally very dry with cracked parched earth and hardly any sign of green. The only plants you manage to see have the water and life sucked out of them from the numerous years of drought that this region has suffered. And the ones that still manage to retain their vibrant green have been knowingly and continuously watered. I'm so grateful for the last few weeks of on and off rain. I believe it was finally enough to fill the lakes and reservoirs up north, which had been almost depleted this past summer. The mountains have been blessed with snow and have remained white in all this time. And as soon as the weather warms up again, the snow will melt and trickle down even more water for our thirsty state. I hope we continue on in this fashion for a little while longer. I really do like this sort of gloomy, cloudy weather. Cloudy days really do make for the best photoshoots, IMO!

 In a desperate attempt to bring more moisture into the dry winter air, I bought a few indoor plants - particularly English ivy, pothos, and aloe vera - this past weekend at a local orchard. My skin and scalp gets so dry during this time of the year. Turning on the heater doesn't help either. I have to immediately slather copious amounts of lotion after showering or my skin gets super dry/flaky/itchy. I thought cowashing would be moisturizing enough for my scalp but apparently it's not. So, I have recently resorted to oiling my scalp with an olive/castor oil blend the night before I wash just to get relief from the dryness. I did try spreading a couple of drops after while my scalp/hair were still damp but that made my hair kind of greasy looking so I stopped doing that.

 I never thought it was strange to wear florals during the winter season as I wear them whenever I feel like. Interestingly enough, I recently came across a few articles (here and here) stating that winter florals were now a fashion trend and examples of how to style this trend. I guess it didn't have as big of an impact on me because I've always had a thing for florals (and I don't really follow fashion trends too closely, I think?).  All the more reason to wear it, I suppose! Now, it does make sense to pair floral prints against darker fabrics. One tends to gravitate towards darker colors during the colder seasons. I do like a pop of color here and there, however. As I've mentioned before, I'm not a big fan of wearing a wholly dark attire. I also find it rather interesting that these darker hues are suggestive as being "gothic", "Victorian" or  even "vampy", which I can understand. You don't see vampires in movies wearing bright pinks and corals, do you?

After a week long break from blogging, I've returned with fresh ideas and am determined to improve in all aspects of my photography. I've still got my sights on a full frame camera but that won't be any time soon. I'm hoping by the end of this year I'll have saved enough but that's being really optimistic. As part of my New Year's resolution, I've made it one of my top priorities to spend more time with my friends this year. I was going through some rough, dark times and had forsaken their friendship. I couldn't talk to anyone about it, not even my boyfriend of 9 years. It took some time - I was apprehensive, fearful even - but I reached out to my friends one sunny day and was so grateful that they accepted me back into their lives with open arms. It felt so good just to be with them. Enjoying their presence. Talking of mundane, nonsensical things in loud, raucous voices. Hours passing sleepily, peacefully with great bouts of laughter shaking us awake from the afternoon lull. Doing nothing but feeling everything. I had forgotten how precious these moments were. And I felt so at ease. I'm happy to say 2017 has been off to a good start!